We've all gone crazy lately...lately?

some random ramblings

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I added a few more links. I put The New Coffee Room back on. I removed it after I got pissed off at someone on there. I have to remember we're all entitled to our views, even if we think someone is acting like an asshole. Not like I've always been the nicest person on Earth. I wasn't called a "manipulative cunt" once in David's chatroom for nothing. Of course, I was drinking pretty heavily then and the person who called me it was right at the time. She has since apologized, but I don't hold any grudges against her either way.

It is a beautiful spring day here. Sunny, a bit of a breeze and temps in the 60's F. I am in a good mood. Maybe it's the weather, too much sugar, not enough sleep, because I'm in love or a combination of all of them. I went to the glbt AA meeting last night. The guy I'm crazy about was there. It was a good meeting. He is going to help our friend who just moved with some cleaning. I might go see if he needs any help. Her house wasn't the cleanest place in the world. His sponsor, who is also a friend from the meeting, flew to visit family in Georgia. I hope he has a fun, safe trip. He is a sweetheart. He is very open about who he is and his HIV status. I admire his courage. I wish I could be so brave. TTFN. Peace.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm doing alright. I celebrated 9 months sober on March 22. it's hard to believe I've come this far. I spoke at the glbt AA meeting on Saturday. Sue chaired the meeting and I got recruited to speak. The meeting went well. I really appreciated all the nice things others shared. They all said that I've changed in the last 9 months - more confident, happier, more laid back. It is hard for me to really see it in myself because I'm..well..me. I do feel different this time around. I don't have total confidence, but it is better than what it used to be.

A bunch of us helped another friend in the program move from a house to an apartment. The flat is on the 3rd floor, but the building has an elevator. The guy I'm crazy about was there as was his boyfriend. sigh I can't win. I liked just being near him. I sat next to him while we ate lunch. He must know that I at least like him because I blush when I'm around him. I swear he just touches me or gives me a hug or kiss and I melt. I look him in the eye and get weak at the knees. can they 302 me for being in love? Aww hell, I'll just 211 myself. Ok, I'm going to finish up here at work then get myself out of here. It is 81 and sunny outside. TTFN. Peace.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

It's a dreary afternoon here. We have a flood watch tonight into tomorrow morning. They're calling for 2-3 inches of rain. Oh fun! I'm sitting at work, waiting to leave in about 15 minutes. I'm tired today. I could not seem to want to drag my ass out of bed this morning. I stopped at the philly soft Pretzel place and got 3 pretzels and a Pepsi. The caffeine couldn't even get my lazy ass in gear. That's pretty fucking sad. I'm doing ok. I'm now the GSR rep for the Saturday night glbt AA meeting I attend. I really like that meeting. It has a Wednesday night and a Saturday night meeting. There is one problem I have with the meeting, which is a rather weird one: I have a crush on one of the guys from the meeting. I'm such a fag hag. I seem to go for gay guys. First Elton, now this guy. (Although this guy kinda reminds me of Elton for some reason.) It's frustrating and good at the same time. Boy. There's one way to make sure I get to meetings: have me fall for someone from the meeting. Perhaps i've simply lost my mind. Not that I can lose something I never had. Something is going on with me. I just wish I understood what it was. I dunno whether to be happy or sad, cry or dance. I find myself thinknig about this guy a lot, which brings a smile to my face. I think of him, see him or talk to him at meetings and I feel all nervous inside - shaky, hands sweat, heart races, butterflies in my stomach, feel warm, blush. My mind keeps wandering. It's not safe while driving and thinking about this guy. The cops can nail me for a DWI: Driving While Infatuated. Ok, I'm out of here. I'm going to go visit my grandmother. She's back in the hospital after getting dehydrated. The stomach flu was going around at the nursing facility she has been at. If anyone is reading this, keep her in your thoughts and prayers please. (and please reassure me that I'm not totally crazy despite what I've been feeling recently.) TTFN. Peace.