We've all gone crazy lately...lately?

some random ramblings

Monday, February 21, 2005

Oh gosh, quite a bit has happened since I last posted. Where to begin..let's see, I got an A- in my last class, I spoke at an AA meeting and a friend from work had a Jeep Cherokee crash into his apartment. That doesn't include going to the dentist and having 4 teeth drilled, nor the fact that work has become sick bay.

I finally got a payment schedule set up with the college. The financial advisor and I kept playing phone tag, but finally got to talk. I told her about an e-mail I got from my professor that said my name disappeared from the class roster. However, the advisor said that I got an A- so it must have gotten straightened out. It surprised the shit outta me. I never thought that I did that well. It's weird - I got a C- in my first class, which I took while I was still drinking; I withdrew from my second one because I was just coming out of the hospital and partial so it was just too much for me to deal with at the time, and now this class and getting an A-. It just shows what getting sober can do for you.

Last Tuesday was a very busy day. I went to the dentist that morning and had 4 teeth drilled. (my dentist really digs my iPod. I listened to it while having the work done) I got in to work - numb upper lip and all - at about noon. My boss mentioned trying to get a hold of the director of outpatient services for her to pick up, Al, one of the therapists at the hospital. I volunteered to go pick him up. The hospital is down the road from work so it only took me a few minutes to get down there to pick him up. He was still in the ER, sitting on a bed and talking to people from the Red Cross. I asked what happened. A Jeep Cherokee swerved off the road to avoid an accident, went across a field, down a hill, across a creek then airborn into Al's sliding glass doors. He said he saw it coming across the field and when it didn't stop at the creek, he ran (not bad for a 76 year old) around the corner and the concussion from the impact knocked him down. He suffered a broken right ankle and cuts from broken glass. He was also diagnosed with walking pneumonia. Anyway, I picked him up at the hospital and we went back to his apartment to pick up a few things - clothes, medications, etc. We got a script filled for anti-biotics (for his pneumonia) at the local pharmacy. I then helped him check into a local Best Western hotel - the Red Cross put him up there for a few days as another apartment was being readied for him. He was very appreciative and felt bad for keeping me from work, but this was more important. I can easily work OT to catch up or just work my ass off. I've done it before. When he moved into another apartment, a friend and I went and helped him unpack and put stuff away. I hooked up his computer. He also has family coming into town to help out.

That night, I went to an AA meeting with my boss/friend. She had asked if I was willing to speak at a meeting. I didn't have to say yes, but I did. It was at the meeting where she got sober. (She has 20 years - an 'Old Timer') That day I had 120 days sober. I was a little nervous. It's a small group - about 7 of us total. My friend chaired the meeting and I was the speaker for the night. I basically told my story about my drinking, abusing Klonopin, getting sober. I made it through. They all said I did great for my first time speaking. I felt pretty good afterwards, and relieved. I've been feeling pretty good recently - with some spots here and there. I still get moody, especially during that time of month and when I'm overly tired. I do joke that I could get $100 for each month sober or $500 for a ticket to the EJAF ball on July 4th so I could meet Elton. *sigh* In my dreams. I'm definately going to the concert though. OK, it's almost midnight and I gotta head off to bed. So I'll write more soon. TTFN. Peace.

Monday, February 07, 2005

It's been a while since I've last posted. I'm not in a good mood tonight - hell I haven't been in much of a good mood recently. I have no fucking clue why. I mean, yeah it's winter and my period is due..I know like you really wanted to know that. How in the gods' names did I last 117 days sober is beyond me. I'm craving a drink tonight. I'm PMSing, I have a bunch of money due to the college and I didn't make it through to talk to Elton on Larry King Live. The phone rang, but the operator comes on and says "your party is not answering." Ugh. The fucking cunt! Of course, that made my shitty mood worse. I want to tell everyone what I'm feeling, but I swear I don't know how, plus they'd be bored to tears.

I found out that I owe University of Phoenix about $1,100. I'll owe at least the same amount after my eighth course. (I'll spare you the details as it's hard to explain) Now, I know I gotta set up payment plans and search for another lender. I'd like to think that I know enough about interest rates not to get a loan with 30% interest. I mean, give me some fucking credit, right? My problem is that I didn't fully understand the details when I enrolled. I admit that, but I did know that I would be making payments to pay the loans back. I talk to my parents about it and you'd think I was an idiot savant. My dad was like "Well, didn't you understand all of this when you started?" And he was explaining the whole thing - how much I owe and will owe. On the inside, I'm thinking "I know!!" My mom was like "You didn't understand it. You were confused. The enrollment counselors are salespeople. Their pitch is to get you to sign up and explain things in a way to make it sound good." I know - that should make me feel better, but why does it only make me feel like crap? I feel like an idiot, like I can't even understand this..ok, I told you it'd be hard to explain. Maybe I'm just being neurotic and making something big out of nothing. I've been confused so many times in my life, so maybe I'm thinking back to those times. People tell me that I'm smart, my IQ is about 127 or 128. Yet, I feel like I can't do anything right, that I'm an idiot. I see so many people who are many times smarter than me. Yeah, I'm jealous, which REALLY pisses me off. I know I'm not perfect. No one is. I have no right to bitch at anything. I mean I am lucky to have what I do. Believe me, I'm thankful, but my main issues are not about material things. I admit, I'd like more money, but don't we all? I'll explain more later about issues regarding work and other shit. aren't ya'll thrilled? TTFN. Peace.