It's been a while since I've last posted. I'm not in a good mood tonight - hell I haven't been in much of a good mood recently. I have no fucking clue why. I mean, yeah it's winter and my period is due..I know like you really wanted to know that. How in the gods' names did I last 117 days sober is beyond me. I'm craving a drink tonight. I'm PMSing, I have a bunch of money due to the college and I didn't make it through to talk to Elton on Larry King Live. The phone rang, but the operator comes on and says "your party is not answering." Ugh. The fucking cunt! Of course, that made my shitty mood worse. I want to tell everyone what I'm feeling, but I swear I don't know how, plus they'd be bored to tears.

I found out that I owe University of Phoenix about $1,100. I'll owe at least the same amount after my eighth course. (I'll spare you the details as it's hard to explain) Now, I know I gotta set up payment plans and search for another lender. I'd like to think that I know enough about interest rates not to get a loan with 30% interest. I mean, give me some fucking credit, right? My problem is that I didn't fully understand the details when I enrolled. I admit that, but I did know that I would be making payments to pay the loans back. I talk to my parents about it and you'd think I was an idiot savant. My dad was like "Well, didn't you understand all of this when you started?" And he was explaining the whole thing - how much I owe and will owe. On the inside, I'm thinking "I know!!" My mom was like "You didn't understand it. You were confused. The enrollment counselors are salespeople. Their pitch is to get you to sign up and explain things in a way to make it sound good." I know - that should make me feel better, but why does it only make me feel like crap? I feel like an idiot, like I can't even understand this..ok, I told you it'd be hard to explain. Maybe I'm just being neurotic and making something big out of nothing. I've been confused so many times in my life, so maybe I'm thinking back to those times. People tell me that I'm smart, my IQ is about 127 or 128. Yet, I feel like I can't do anything right, that I'm an idiot. I see so many people who are many times smarter than me. Yeah, I'm jealous, which REALLY pisses me off. I know I'm not perfect. No one is. I have no right to bitch at anything. I mean I am lucky to have what I do. Believe me, I'm thankful, but my main issues are not about material things. I admit, I'd like more money, but don't we all? I'll explain more later about issues regarding work and other shit. aren't ya'll thrilled? TTFN. Peace.