We've all gone crazy lately...lately?

some random ramblings

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I'm still alive. I'm hanging in there. One exception being I'm drunk. I know I shouldn't have done this, but it's too late now. I dunno if my parents know. They got home not along ago from my dad's class reunion. I tried hard to hide my intoxication. I decided to do this because this past week has been very stressful. I understand this isn't a solution, only a temporary 'fix'. Everything else has been going welll. My parents are a little overprotective, but I'm SLOWLY chipping away at that. Maybe someday, I'll finally get through to them. *sighs* Oh, well. I'll write more later. Let me sober up first. TTFN. Peace

Sunday, September 05, 2004

I'm adding a links section on my sidebar. I finally figured out how to do it - damn CSS. Sorry it's incomplete right now, but I gotta run to Wal*Mart to pay my credit card balance and to buy some clothes. TTFN. Peace.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

What a very busy week in the news. My heart just breaks over the tragedy in Beslan, Russia. It boggles the mind why people do such horrific things. The children, parents and teachers were innocent victims. If there is a hell, I hope terrorists go to the worst, hottest spot there. The victims of this tragedy are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope the residents of Florida get through Hurricane Frances. This is the last thing they need right now, especially those still trying to recover from Charley. On CNN, I saw this guy out surfing! That guy either has big cajones or is crazy. I'm surprised he wasn't arrested - or killed.

OK, besides terror attacks and hurricanes, things in my part of the world are relatively quiet. Every Thursday at noon, I see my D&A therapist - every other week, my parents go with me. I am glad and blessed to have people who are willing to help any way they can. The last thing any of us wants is for me to slip or worse. I am worried because I still crave alcohol a lot more than I tell people. I know that I should be totally honest, but it's hard. Why the fuck is it so hard to tell the truth about how bad I want it? How much I think, dream and fantasize about it? Maybe I'm just fucked in the head. I get insanely jealous everything I see anyone else drink, whether it be on tv, people around me or even my friends online. In two weeks is my dad's 45th high school reunion. I know they'll be gone the afternoon and won't be back until late. Do I trust myself to be alone? I don't know who to trust anymore. Remind me to tell what happens at work. OK, it's after 9 pm and I want to take a shower - please don't imagine that. TTFN. Peace.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

OK, a quickie tonight. (sounds kinky, I know ;)) I'm doing alright this week with one exception - I threw my back out. My lower back has been killing me the past couple days. I get pain in my lower back (sciatica nerve) that sometimes shoots part way down my leg. I stayed home from work on Wednesday to try and get better. It hasn't gotten much better, but I'll give it a few days. I'm taking Advil and sleeping on a heating pad. I hope it gets better. I hate walking around like the hunchback of Notre Dam. I'm evolution gone backwards - ugh. Anyhoo, more tomorrow/today, I gotta hit the sack - gently. TTFN. Peace.