Tell me how does it work
How do you make things fit
Spent all my life trying to get it right
I've put it together and it falls apart
I thought to myself I might understand
But when the wall's built
And the heart hardens
You get a dark diamond

-- Sir EJ/BT '01

I swear Taupin had me in mind when he wrote those lyrics. I'm sitting here at little after midnight on Sunday 29 August. I'm tired, depressed and not feeling the greatest. There's this sinus infection type virus going around at work and I'm its latest victim. I'm going to rip my sinuses out and sell them on eBay! They are driving me absolutely fucking crazy. My nose runs faster than the athletes at the Olympics. I sneeze, cough, have a stuffed up head - my escutcheon tubes are blocked, which makes me dizzy. Ok, I'm more ditzy, but close enough.

I've been working on enrolling with University of Phoenix to take online classes. I could get a Bachelors of Science in Information Technology. I filled out and submitted a FAFSA application and am eligible for financial aide from the government. My biggest concerns are - will financial aide cover the full cost (3 credit courses are about $430 US each- eek!), can I afford to upgrade my computer (I want to overclock my processor, but don't know how - please tell me if anyone knows. PIII 933r - good old Dell), can I handle taking classes and working, and can my thumb make it? I'm debating on waiting until the winter to start classes and having the surgery on my thumb sooner. That way, my thumb will have time to heal and I can save up some money. Also, I'm starting D&A therapy. I don't need added pressure this early in my recovery. I do have some issues to bitch about, but they'll have to wait. It's after 12:40 am and I should get to bed. TTFN. Peace.

I had a good day Monday. I had an assessment with a D&A (drug and alcohol) therapist and I start outpatient therapy this week. I didn't get to work until around 11 am. Two of my co-workers were out. My friend, Robin, just got back from vacation. We don't have any doctors in on Mondays, but the front desk was very busy. I relieved Robin so she could go to lunch then helped her out for a while. The phones would not stop ringing! I didn't get as much done as I had liked to have, but that's life. I didn't have lunch until almost 4:00 - baked potatoes YUMMY! I went to my group, which went well. Man. I was in one of my moods. Too much caffeine and too little sleep - wired and punchdrunk. I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism - damn I hang out with therapists too much. I have a strange sense of humor and am quick witted. I tend to do the smart ass, rapid fire approach. Anything for a laugh.

Today went well. I was able to get some work done and help out at the front desk. Both receptionists were in, but so was a doctor so it was busy. One of our charts went AWOL so we had to get things straightened out, which we did. I finally got my PIN number so I can e-sign my application for financial aide. I'm going to enroll with the University of Phoenix and take online courses. I'm going to work on a Bachelor's in Information Technology. I can get it in 2-3 years so I'm very excited. I'm in dire need of a career change. I don't want to be a data entry pinhead for the rest of my life. I don't think that would help my carpal tunnel or broken thumb. (old injury that never healed properly) It's my left thumb. It was broken at the joint so it doesn't bend and, of course, I write left handed. I'm going to have to have surgery on it. My mom suggested having it done in the winter since driving in bad weather sucks. I'll be out of work for a few days so I need to stay caught up and save up my sick time. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight at 7:30. I'll try and write more later. TTFN. Peace.

Yours truly 

Holy shit! It's been so fucking long since I've last posted. Let's see..what's been going on.. I'm moved back in with my parents - oh joy *rolls eyes*, still got people on my case about drinking so I'm going for an assessment with a D&A therapist tomorrow morning. I find myself wondering if I'm doing this for me or for them. Anything to get them off my back. Aww hell, if I thought they were overprotective before, pretty soon I'll be back to wearing diapers. I'm already a pansy at 30 years of age. I've been instilled with a fear of going places and not telling my parents or getting their approval. And if they aren't crazy about the idea, I'll then cancel my plans. My mom is the worse of the two of them. It's like, people say that I'm smart, yet treat me like I'm a retard. And if one more person calls me 'kiddo', I swear I'll go postal. I just want to scream "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Gods - no wonder I'm in therapy.

I'm caught up at work so I'm not as stressed out over it. I was helping out at our front desk because one of the receptionists was on vacation last week. It was very busy this past week. She'll be happy when she comes back and learns that the doctor who was leaving, has now decided to stay. And that the turtle she gave me - red eared slider named Myrtle - is doing well and is getting along with our other two RES in our ponds. I was off for a week last month and got my haircut during that time. So I surprised them when I got back. As to what it looks like, let's just say people call me Elton. Yes, they know I'm in love with him. (He's one of the very few guys who could make me 'change my mind') Oh, today (soon to be yesterday) my dad and I went to a computer show down in Fort Washington. I got a new keyboard - I killed my old one when I spilled wine on it. I'd been using an old keyboard from the computer we got back in 1996. I also got a 17" LCD flat screen monitor for about $359 - sweet. OK, time for bed. It's midnight and my appointment is at 8:30 am. - TTFN. Peace.