We've all gone crazy lately...lately?

some random ramblings

Thursday, December 28, 2006

It's been a while since I last posted. I'm doing ok. I'm 6 months sober. It's a fucking miracle. I had a nice Christmas. I got a digital camera - 6 mp Canon Power Shot A540. I LOVE it! I also got some new clothes for my birthday (Dec. 16) and Christmas. I got a scarf and earrings from India. My brother's girlfriend is a flgiht attendant for Delta and she recently visited Bombay/Mumbai. my sponsor got me a beautiful necklace for my birthday and 6 month anniversary. It's a silver triangle (the symbol for AA) with an Amethyst in the middle. A woman in the program makes jewelry. I went to a meeting shortly after my birthday and my grandmother asked if anyone got my gifts. It got me thinking. The best gift came from my Higher Power and maybe myself, and that is my sobriety.

Things are going ok at home. My grandmother's dementia is getting worse. Her long term memory is fine, but she sometimes repeats questions because she doesn't remember asking it a minute before. She misplaces things. She also seemed depressed. I think it is partly due to the holidays and not being independent anymore. She also has a lot of resentments towards Dad. She always favored her other son, my uncle Tom, who passed away in August 1997. She has a long history of resentment toward Dad though and he knows it. It does hurt him that she feels that way about him. I think she does love him deep down, but the anger and fear get in the way. My fear, anger and resentments made me drink. Someone in the rooms said fear stands for Fuck Everything And Run.

It's hard to believe there are only a few more days left in the year. Part of me will be glad when this year is over, but part of me also knows that some good things did happen in 2006. Sometimes the bad had to happen so the good could begin. My relapse back in June made me realize how unmanageable my life becomes when I drink. I haven't had a drink since then. I've come close a few times. Yet, I got through those times. I know life won't be a cakewalk, but it does get better. Ok, I'm at work so I better get my ass in gear. TTFN. Peace.


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