We've all gone crazy lately...lately?

some random ramblings

Sunday, July 17, 2005

It's been over a month since I last posted. Quite a bit has happened. I relapsed again back on July 7. My parents were away. They took the trailer up to Hickory Run for a couple days. I kinda had a feeling a relapse was coming but didn't say or do anything to stop it. Why I didn't, I have no idea. All that fucked up thinking came back - the denial, the self-centeredness, the anger and frustration. I wound up getting drunk that Thursday night. I called my mom on her cell at 3am, really drunk. My parents got home Friday afternoon. I had a hangover so I called out sick. My parents were not to happy and there was a tension between my dad and myself. I take full responsibility of what happened. I know I really broke my parents' trust.

It's been kinda hard since then to get motivated in all areas of my life. I'm behind in my work and school assignments. Work has also been very busy because several people were on vacation. One of the receptionists is away until next week. I swear if she ever takes a 2 week vacation again, I'll kick her ass. I'm beginning to feel better so I'm going to get my ass in gear and work. I'll take my iPod to work and put my headphones on to block out any distractions. I have a boombox with a radio and CD player. The radio tuner is broken so I gotta get a new one. We get paid at the end of this week so I'll wait until then.

Good news - I finally got a sponser. I met her at a meeting on Saturday night. She has over 16 years sobriety and we get along. She is going to take me through the steps and help me get to meetings. She wants me to do 90 meetings in 90 days. There are a few gay/les/bi meetings in the area that she goes to and has offered to give me a ride to them. I am a bit nervous as she is my first sponser but I am determined to get sober and stay sober. I want to get my life back on track. Ok, it's getting late so I'm off to bed. Oh, I got the new Harry Potter book! I'm up to chapter 11 and am loving it. TTFN. Peace.


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